Guest book of Clarence Barnes, Casey
House, Toronto, Jan -
I was a friend of Clarence Barnes (1934-
Clarence’s mum, Helen White of Reading PA, and I agreed that she would send me cards etc. and I would buy the flowers in her name to accompany the card to give to Clarence when I visited.
17 double pages were photocopied from the Guest book back in 1995. Each page was transcribed and typed to facilitate the reading of the written entries and laid to the right of the written page. Brackets are used for words I couldn’t decipher, or words I guessed at, or for corrections.
I sent a copy to the Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives, Toronto.
.
Click image to enlage..
25 Jan. Adrian was here.
Thank goodness that does not happen too
often. Being sick is bad enough.
Brought Clarence up-
goings-
some questions. He was sleepy, so I didn’t
stay very long.
Jan 27
new
addition
to Clarence’s room
A painting for the west wall
came from Casey Foundation
House, just next door
Clarence is sleepier than before.
Had lunch with Clarence in
the lounge. I finished my
lunch first & he had already
forgotten that I had lunch.
we talked a bit, he did say
even reading was too hard, too
hard on the eyes, the concentration
too difficult. —– It’s sad to
see how much energy he needs
to get from the bed into a
wheelchair
Until next Tuesday
Alex
Sat. 28 Jan. Forgot to say I saw
Doug Graydon[?] Thursday and had a
good talk with him about Clarence,
his mother etc. All kinds of help
is available.
Popped in this morning. C. said he
was exhausted by the morning
rituals. The nurse told me that
this was a combination of
Events and could not always
be prevented.
Surprised us all by eating
most of it, bedside.
Alex
31 Jan 6:45pm C. Had Chinese dinner
And the fever was down a bit.
My question about his phone
conversation with his mother got
only vague replies. [Adrian]
Clarence has a 649 ticket in bedside
table. [signed] Louise
2 Feb I got into the room just in
time! C. was about to walk away
In the dark room. He had climbed
out of bed again, regardless of
the barriers. Got staff to help
him go to the bathroom.
[Adrian]
28 January 1995 -
It’s so good to see you and remem-
ber the many years we worked
and [.....?......] together. [signed] John [..........]
30 January -
the last few days. Seems to com-
prehend things better and talked a
bit. Dropped off leaflets from
his apt bldg which is going co-
He used to be a board member.
[Adrian]
Jan. 31 Chinese New Year. There
will be a Chinese dinner in
the lounge, a first for Casey House.
But Clarence has a fever, maybe
MAI [CMV?]
Note his —-
his long beard. Maybe
he’ll get his hair
cut tomorrow.
Lunch time, & Clarence
Wednesday, I’ll make
brief stops or will call.
Alex
4 Feb. C. Had his hair cut.
Proof there is a god(dess).
[Adrian]
What a cold day. Good
to sit down where its
warm. Clarence looks
pretty good. John
P.S. I like the starship poster.
Sunday Feb 5
Brr! 20 below outside but
warm here – [signed] John A Lee
(My fourth or fifth visit but my
first entry – never noticed this
book before).
Clarence is very quiet,
thoughtful.
Feb 3
Clarence had his hair cut,
no longer looks like an
ascetic hermit!
Had lunch, ate it all
& had seconds on dessert (he
forgot he ate it the first time!)
He wears diapers, crapped
in them & Dan changed him
before lunch.
He was crabby today.
I have 2 doctors’ appointments
on Tuesday, will check in on
Wednesday. If Adrian takes
off on a “holiday” -
6 Feb. C. Is better than
last week although he wheezes
somewhat -
and was not nasty like last week.
I told he was “bad”, but of course
he does not remember
I’m going away for a few days
to catch my breath. Will probably
be back Friday. Alex has the
phone number.
Adrian
7 Feb. Brought Peter in for a few
minutes.
7 Feb. Hi Clarence, Good to [see] you again,
be happy.
7 Feb. Dropped for a visit. Michael
Feb. 8
Clarence just
had a bath,
his hair is flat,
neat. Is sleeping.
We had lunch together.
Alex
Feb 8 Just dropped by
[signed] John A Lee
Feb 16
Had a visit. Talked [mainly?] about
me[?] – but next conversations I have
are about me[?]. Casey House seems
to be a great environment & helpful.
Clarence is a good listener and a
good friend for some 40 years.
Myron
Feb. 6 Clarence very quiet
after dinner.
[signed] John A Lee
Feb. 18 [signed] John A Lee
Feb. 19 Michael
Feb.20 First time in 2 weeks
he was sort of civilized.
I brought flowers. Adrian
Feb. 21
Marianne preparing Clarence to
take him for a bath.
Had a good visit, we had
lunch in the lunch room. Clarence
cracked a joke, so he must have
been in a good mood. There were
silences which was ok, & I talked
when I thought of something.
I called John Grube today
and he said Clarence is dying.
the way he lived, stubborn &
abrupt, but with dignity.
Alex
P.S. I threw away some of
the dead yellow roses, changed the
water. Also watered the lilacs.
P.P.S. When I mentioned Helen his
mother, wanting to visit, he
said maybe for a weekend. That
was a surprise.
Thurs. Feb 23 11:45
I dropped in on my way
back from the Y. Clarence is
looking good.
He tells me he already had
his lunch so I can’t steal
even a fry from his plate
Such a nice valentine
envelope on the door.
[signed] John McMurtry
23 Feb. C. is having lunch
at the table and someone was
taking photos. Maybe we should do
that as well, to send to his mother.
[Adrian]
Feb.24
Clarence resting after a bath.
I read Frank’s letter to
Clarence, showed him the
amusing picture of Connie.
lAlso read/showed him the
picture-
sent him from Chicago. And
the postcard. Also read him
the card from Bob & Catherine
Greif [Grieff]
Alex
P.S. I had lunch
with Clarence in the
lunch room.
Mar. 1
Chatted briefly with Dr. Lee,
who said his bowels have
slowed. Also said he gets
laser treatment on the red
spot on his tailbone, it helps
to regenerate the cells. A pad
is put there to prevent a
bad sore
We had lunch together
Alex
2 March. C. Was asleep
so I just gave the flowers
fresh water and left
some papers for the office.
Adrian
3 March. C. Was just hoisted
into bed after lunch. When I
queried the necessity. C told me
to shut up... Yeah, I love you, too.
[Adrian]
3 March 3.15 [signed] Robert Anthony
Mar 4/95 [signed] Bill Haworth [?] 2.30
Mar. 7 A little
pot of pansies,
courtesy of
Helen, Clarence’s mum.
Anne the nurse said
Clarence had rashes, so
Dr. Lee took him off septra
and gancyclovir for a while to
figure out thing[s]
getting ready for the hoist
Clarence on the hoist.
Had a pleasant lunch,
saw Sylvain.
Showed Clarence the
article on Berks Co[unty, PA]. his
mother sent him. He enjoyed
it.
Alex
Back on Friday.
Mar 8. Louise away for a
couple of weeks. Dan is the nurse
in charge of Clarence’s nursing care.
Be good to yourselves. Louise
P.S. I spoke to Helen today & she
knows I shall be away
Michael March 5
March 9 Back from California.
I visited C. this morning for
the first time in couple of weeks.
he seems to have lost a lot of
ground – very tired, doesn’t talk,
just nods.
[signed] John A Lee
Mar. 10
Moving
Clarence back
to bed.
When I came, Clarence was in
The lounge, watching TV. Sylvain
Was there as well.
We had lunch together,
He was slow at starting but
got going. Adrian said that he
is sometimes fed. (M –> F, instead of M –> Sun.[?]
Back on gancyclovir, still
off septra. Is given
cream for rash, does scratch.
/ also a pill.
Brought carnations,
courtesy of his mum.
Alex
Anna -
\ she’s new for Clarence
March 11 8pm
Stopped in to find Cl. just
getting back to bed –he was
up and dressed for a while.
[signed] John A Lee
Mar. 14
Just a short visit by Burke [?]
in from his new country home
in Brighton.
Mar. 15
Adrian & I meet with
Dr Lee today, and agreed
that nothing would be done
to prolong Clarence’s life,
just keep him comfortable,
treat minor problems, continue
the gancyclovir to prevent
blindness (until he gets
“really” bad, then it can be
stopped), not give him
megase [megace]*, slow down on vitamins,
no septra, etc. All of this
are also according to Clarence’s
wishes, as Adrian pointed out,
and expressed in Clarence’s
living will.
*appetite enhancer
Clarence washed rests [?]
[with] shirt on. I forgot to bring
a pyjama top.
We had lunch
together in the lunch room,
it was pleasant, we
stayed there for over an
hour.
He took a pill against
itching, then got
cleaned up.
Back on Friday
Alex
6:15/Mar.15
Clarence was sleeping when
I arrived, although Star Trek
was on his T.V.
I don’t believe he knew
I was here. I let him doze.
He is looking much more frail.
Bless these people looking after
him he looks so clean & tidy
John [McMurtry?]
Mar. 17
Found Clarence in the
lounge, Sylvain was there too.
Had lunch together, Clarence was
fed by a volunteer. I
brought Helen’s letter with the
two postcards of Reading, PA
with me, & showed them to
Clarence, and read Helen’s
comments. Also brought a
hyacinth and put out one of
Helen’s cards. I “pruned”
the flowers – the only gardening
I do!
Alex
sign says
“prisoner of love”
20/3
According to Dr. Lee C. has now
developed pneumonia. He is only
treated enough to keep him as
comfortable as possible. It is now
the last stretch and nobody knows
how long it will take.
Adrian
March 21, 1995
First day of spring.
Clarence seems largely aware
of our visit (Alex L.. is here
too). I sense he is near the
end – but he seems comfortable
and in no pain. I hope that is the case.
This is probably my last visit.
I’m going to miss Clarence’s
good advice when I have
perplexing problems with my
Macintosh.
[signed] Duncan McLaren
Mar.21
Stuff on
Clarence’s table
Clarence is not too
aware (hard to tell) of what’s
around him. Eyes not focusing.
He seems comfortable.
Spoke with Anne, he gets
morphine, a muscle relaxant,
and ? placed in his mouth
on the side. He takes no food
or water. His breathing
seems ok.
It’s a shock to see him
like this, after having lunch
with him last Friday.
Clarence awoke when
Anne & Roseanne turned him
around. Anne cleared his
mouth with mouthwash, and
put vaseline on his lips. I
took the chance to say
a few words to Clarence.
He seems distressed at being
turned over.
Well, it’s almost over.
But it’s hard.
Alex
P.S. Brought some tulips
courtesy of Clarence’s mum,
and read him the small
card.
March 21 -
while to be with Clarence.
22 March -
talk with nurse Dan, which was good
C. was asleep so I didn’t say much.
Adrian
Mar.22
Just came by
for a short visit,
just to keep up
with changes.
Alex
The hyacinths smell
nice.
March 23
Clarence’s journey is
nearly over. He fought
a good fight and did
so little harm to anyone
all his time on Earth.
Goodbye Clarence. You
will be remembered
[signed] John A Lee
Mar. 23
Clarence more or less the
same as yesterday. Changed
some of the flowers. The flowers
I bring all tend to droop.
Alex
Droopy hyacinths
Mar.24. I’m back, feel
that my being here makes a
difference. He gets agitated now
& then, especially after being
moved. I try to calm him.
Adrian and I talked about
“final arrangements”. I told
Louise, who’s back from England,
what they are.
Well, sweet man,
you may [be] gone before I see
you again.
Alex
March 25 –
3.00 P.M.
I finally returned from
California (despite floods and
strikes) and slipped up
from Peterborough this
AM – to see – and I hoped –
visit with Clarence.
Alas – altho’ he may have
recognized me – his eyes
flickered w. recognition
occasionally – our
exchange was one sided.
If you could ever
tell him – his old
friend Frances from the
days at Queen’s in the ‘50’s
and Toronto in the 60’s and 70’s
sends him all sorts
of
COURAGE to face
each day
– [signed] Frances Doucet[?]
Mar. 25 6:15 pm.
I’m happy Frances came.
I met a new nurse, Orthrud.
She said Clarence has awareness,
and indeed his eyes move
somewhat, close etc. I think
he just shrugged his shoulders
when I asked if he had any pain.
His hair is also combed, which is a
nice touch.
Orthrud said she sits with
Clarence or someone does.
in Clarence’s room
—>
I finally ditched
the hyacinths,
actually put
the remaining
stems into a
small vase
Alex
Back tomorrow about 5:30pm
P.S. The slight moaning
is a mechanical process,
Kathleen, another nurse, explained
to me. He also twitches, has
hiccups, apnia (?) [apnea], –> stops
breathing up to 30 secs.
Kathleen said he responds
to people sitting by his bedside,
calms down considerably.
Mar. 26 11am
Brought Clarence
some yellow tulips in a
pot, the room need[s]
some yellow . Courtesy of his
mum. Also a card she
sent, with the white
dove, little [bird in?]
cage.
Louise and another
nurse washed Clarence.
This bear
holding a red
heart is
sitting in the
easy chair.
A pink bear.
Back on Tuesday, or may
drop by earlier.
Alex
Mar.27
—>
The pink
teddy
sits on the
chair near
Clarence’s bed. I think he’s
the Casey House mascot. The
guy with a heart.
Clarence seems more or
less the same, is aware
of me, moved his eyes
Shrugged his shoulder
when I asked him some-
thing. However, he is
hooked up to oxygen to ease
his breathing & was on phenob[arbitol?]
via IV. Orthrud the
nurse said he had
convulsions earlier.
She said he is more
ready to go.
She said was applying
“therapeutic touch”
Alex
Back tomorrow.
P.S. Just spoke to
Kathleen, she’s amazed
that Clarence is in a
half-
aware of things around him,
almost more so than before
when he was confused.
[Clarence died the next day, March 28, 1995]
Jan.24 The Starship Enterprise
poster went up over the mantle,
card of Data below. Fills the
gap. I’ll see if I can find
another Star Trek poster for the
west wall. Louise said art
work is available in storage at
the Foundation building next
door.
Read him the
airborne story
In the Globe.
TO BOLDLY GO
or as Clarence preferred it
TO GO BOLDLY
DOWN
Feb 10
Clarence sleeping. I nodded
off for a while.
We ate lunch together.
I’m off to Chicago, back
on the 19th. Will visit
following Tuesday. Alex
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